Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
