I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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