I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
