She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
