How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
