4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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