I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
