i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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