that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
