evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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