at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
