I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
