bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
