people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
