If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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