I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
