my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
