Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
