alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
