did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
