Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
