Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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