it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
