she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
