To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
