do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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