he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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