We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
