i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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