lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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