the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
