Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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