ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
