i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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