someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
