just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
