I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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