My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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