I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
