so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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