um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
