Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
