Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
