he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
