Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
