does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
