omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
