I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
