dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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