Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
