u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
