i think my mom watched the whole time
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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