at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize