i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
