I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
