guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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