Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
