Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
