Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
