I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
