i love accidental penises.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
