Umm I'm too high to move.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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