i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
