I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
