Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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