Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
