if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize