my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
