I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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