I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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